narcissism: June 2006

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Winter
by Joshua Radin

I should know who I am by now
I walk the record stand somehow
Thinkin' of winter
The name is the splinter inside me
While I wait

And I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake

The walk has all been cleared by now
Your voice is all I hear somehow
Calling out winter
Your voice is the splinter inside me
While I wait

And I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake

I could have lost myself
In rough blue waters in your eyes
And I miss you still

Oh I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake

Sunday, June 25, 2006

On the 22nd of June 2006, Carole Marian Alvins, who was the mother of my best friend passed away. She was someone close to me, someone who was full of life and spunk in the days she was well, someone who truly had a head on her shoulders and would not let anybody take her for a fool or tell her what to do. She was an inspiration to me will be dearly missed. Aunty Carole, I will always remember the days I stayed over, the holidays which you brought me along, your words of wisdom, your fabulous cooking. I will always look out for your baby girl. May your soul rest in peace.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Sometimes you might be amazed at how two little words can solve your problems...the words 'I'm Sorry' might be hard to get out but once you've said them, you'll be suprised at how liberated you feel. Like the song goes, 'Sorry seems to be the hardest word', maybe it's a pride thing and the thought of admitting you were wrong in the first place is difficult to face, but once you get the guts and the brains to say it, it can really make all your stress go away. Saying you're sorry and hearing the words back in return can be more satisfying than picking a fight, or bitching behind people's backs, or just feeling rage and hatred building up inside of you. So my advice is, if you have a falling-out with someone, don't let it go too long or you'll just regret it and there will always be that unsatisfied feeling. Even if you don't feel you are 100% in the wrong, look deep inside and you might be able to acknowledge that the anger you are feeling might be covering up some sense of guilt. So say you're sorry, no matter how hard it might be to get out and you will feel so, so, so much better. Then you would be able to move on to better things, brighter things, and finally let things go. Trust me. It's truly liberating.

Weekend re-cap :
Friday : Classes as usual til 12, then lepak-ed at college til about 4 then went back home..at night went to watch the Argentina match with Dennis, Tasha, Eju, Izzy and a couple others at Tmn Tun [cleanest mamak ever, the one next 2 Rasta...no shit].

Saturday night : Went for Fete de la Musique at B'sar with Sham, Venil n gang, was pretty cool watchin the performances. There were so many people, it was freakin crowded! But it was fun...there was this Brazillian percussion martial arts thingy..erm, I forgot the name of the actual thing, anyway the Brazillian guy, he was so freakin hot..he's the one in that Joga Bonito ad, omg his ass is to die for. Dennis, Tasha and Eju also came later..I was at Castle most of the night cause the mainstage was just outside. It was a good night...

Sunday : Went and watched Cars at Cineleisure with my sis n bro...family thing...was also actually kinda fun, my bro was so cute...the movie was good, damn funny..Owen Wilson is just hilarious even thought its just his voice...such a nice, feel-good movie. It's amazing how the movie actually makes you empathize and connect with erm..talking cartoon cars.

So that's it for now...it's the beginning of another week at college *sigh* Ciaoz...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Hey...I finally got my driving license, and when I say finally, I do mean FINALLY.....I don't think anyone else has ever gone thru so much shit and took so much time to get their freakin P before! Anyway, I can finally legally drive, which is such an enormous relief. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Of course, now there's the headache for Mum and Dad, cos I'm gonna be demanding the car all the time, heh heh heh.

I feel like I'm on holiday still, I haven't really gotten into the college 'mood'...even though it's already the 3rd week. I guess its cos my workload is relatively light this sem, I took 3 light subjects and 1 tough subject so that I wouldn't be too overwhelmed, and then I found out that the tough subject I took was one that I didn't need to take after all and I couldn't replace it with anything else so now I don't have much work to do. I'm also taking LAN, Malaysian Studies which is actually interesting because our lecturer makes very good points about the failure of our government and political parties and racial unity, but she is slowly making me hate my country [even more] which kind of defeats the whole purpose of teaching Malaysian Studies in the first place.

I realized yesterday just how much time I spend at mamaks. In between classes, after clases, before classes. Even when I'm not at college. All we do is sit there. But with good company, it's never boring. For instance, yesterday I met Tasha near her college, KDU, and we spent like 4 hrs just chilling in the mamak. And it didn't get boring. For me at least ;) Guess we were busy planning our Lumut trip next month with the rest of the clan. I shall not discuss it here in fear of jinxing it. But I can say this, it's gonna be fanfuckingtastic!

Anyway, I think I'll go back to erm...doing nothing. Ahh yes, I know what I will do. I shall watch another episode of Lost. I have gotten hooked onto the show. For those of you who don't watch it...I suggest you do...it's an awesome, AWESOME series. Til next time!

Friday, June 09, 2006

I hate days like today. Woke up feeling like crap, just wanted to stay in bed with the covers over my head and drown in my own misery. I don't know why, I don't really know what I'm so miserable about and I haven't felt like this in a long time but today I just feel so fucked up. I like to think I'm an opimistic person and I usually try to look at the brighter things in life but today it's like I'm looking at all the darker things that I've been pushing aside and ignoring and it's not pretty. While I still do feel like I'm a changed person and that I have been given a new lease on life, I'm wondering if I'm putting that lease to full use or I'm gonna end up the same way in the end, and if this cycle is never-ending. Sigh. Hope I snap out of this funk soon.

I'm not the kind of person who listens to every piece of shit that comes on the radio. Once in a while a good song will come my way and then I won't be able to stop playing it. Here's the latest one :

You'll Think of Me
by Keith Urban

I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK, there's nothing left to say, but

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been, so

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me
So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we got nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me.

P.S : Izzy, hope you don't think I'm copying you by putting up lyrics on my blog. Hehe.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Ciao peeps..no I'm not saying goodbye..contrary 2 popular belief, ciao means both hello & goodbye in Italian. Yes I'm taking Italian this sem so I'm showing off a bit la. Hehehe. Anyway. Birthday came and went. On the actual day, had lunch at Secret Recipe at my coll and Sham, Venil, Leanne, Nadia, Debs, Chris, Dennis, Tasha & Shaun came. It was fun..then that Saturday nite I had a thing at Karma and it was so freakin bad cause I got majorly wasted and oh god I just don't want to talk abt it anymore, but of course no one is evr gonna stop teasing me abt it. Damn flamings, I tell you, I'm just about the worst drinker in the world and I'm not gonna deny it anymore!! Haha but apart frm that, it was actually a great night cause almost everyone I love came and they all had a good time, I even got some 'suprise guests'..you know who you are! Even my sis & Sumu & her friends came which was rare, and they took such good care of me...somehow evrytime I get freaking gone it always happens when my sister is around, I think subconciously I feel safe cause she's there. Eju also took such great care of me, he never left my side...such a sweetheart. Hehehe. It meant so much to me that everyone was there. Definitely a memorable b'day n I'm glad I decided to celebrate it in the end altho I definitely am not glad about getting so damn smashed. Oh well..

Here's some pics :

At Karma...